Discalced Carmelite Friars

Semi Province of St. Therese

This blog is being kept as a memorial to Fr. John Michael Payne, OCD, who was a Friar of the Discalced Carmelite Province of St. Therese in the United States and who wrote the posts on this blog. No further items will be posted on this blog.

~Discalced Carmelite Friars
Province of St. Therrese

12 Ways of Settling It

Evangelical: The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it.

Fundamentalist: The Bible says it, that settles it.

Pentecostal: The Bible says it, the Spirit told me what it means to me, that settles it.

Baptist: The Bible says it. . . . I said, THE BIIIIIIIIBLE SAYS IT! Amen???

Protestant: The Bible says it, my particular tradition’s confession most accurately summarizes it, that settles it.

Catholic: The Church tells me that the Bible says it, the Pope interprets it, the Magisterium votes on it, that settles it.

Eastern Orthodox: The Bible said it, but if it was not settled in one of the first seven ecumenical councils, nothing will settle it.

Textual Critic: The Bible probably does not say it, because I don’t believe it and I have a Ph.D., that settles it.

Classical Apologist: The Bible says it, I have over 80 arguments to prove its reliability, that settles it.

Presuppositionalist: The Bible says it, and to deny the Bible is to deny the very possibility of denying the Bible, that settles it.

Mormon: The Bible says it if Joseph Smith said it, I prayed and got a burning in my bosom over it, that settles it.

Jehovah’s Witness: The Bible said it, pagan Christendom distorted it, the Watchtower Organization came along 1, 800 years later and correctly explained it, that settles it. 

Written by Fr. John Michael Payne, OCD
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